CG's Slayers Fairytale Theater: White Cat
by Rocky and CG
Summary: My friend's CG take on this fairytale. This fairytale is about a paranoid kind afriad his sons will take over the throne over before he's dead. Hey, King, why are you worried? It's not like this is Saillune. G/L


Time Again For Another Slayers Fairy Tale  
  
  
  
C.G.: I can't believe it's Christmas already.  
  
Xellos: Time flies when you work with lazy people.  
  
C.G.: Today, I got a weird little fairy tale about gifts. It's really long too.  
  
Xellos: Does it.  
  
C.G.: No.  
  
Xellos: Why not?  
  
C.G.: Because even if it did, it would be a little too awkward. It's not the usual love story.  
  
Xellos: Wuss.  
  
C.G.: Shut up.  
  
Xellos: You don't own anything. there!  
  
C.G.: Once upon a time there was a king who was paranoid because he believed that his three sons would want to reign over the kingdom before he was dead.  
  
King: It's a conspiracy, I tell you. They're really good friends. They get along too well for brothers. They're planning to overthrow me.  
  
Queen: You're paranoid. Our wonderful boys are not trying to overthrow you. This kingdom isn't Saillune or anything. Go lie down.  
  
C.G.: So the king decides that the thing for him to do is to keep them busy.  
  
Xellos: .with hookers.  
  
C.G.: ::groan:: No. Keep them busy by making promises and sending them on quests then getting himself out of  
  
the promise.  
  
Xellos: Hookers would be better and less confusing.  
  
C.G.: So, the king went to find his sons who were out in the courtyard doing the usual.  
  
Zangulus: Prepare to be beaten!  
  
Gourry: Heh. You wish!  
  
Zangulus: I won't let you win this time!  
  
Xellos: The third son, who is watching, is Gourry's older brother whom Dani named Gregory because she said so. Hey, why not use Chad?  
  
C.G.: If I needed a Princess Tiffany, I would use a Princess Tiffany.  
  
King: I have official business I would like to speak to you about.  
  
Zangulus: Five more minutes!  
  
King: Now.  
  
Zangulus: Why? I was so close. ::cries::  
  
King: Get over here! You will agree that my age makes it harder to look after my kingdom's affairs. I fear for the welfare of the subjects so I am thinking of retiring.  
  
C.G.: The brothers were greatly surprised by this.  
  
King: I wish that one of you should succeed to my crown; but in return for such a gift it is only right that you do something for me. I want to retire in the country and I would like a pretty, lively, faithful little dog to keep me company. Who ever brings me the most beautiful little dog at the end of 6 months shall be king.  
  
Xellos: The sons were depressed by their father's words because they knew now that the king was nothing but a big sissy.  
  
C.G.: Xellos!  
  
Xellos: Sissy!  
  
C.G.: Quiet! Gregory, who is supposed to be first in line, is too polite to object. Zangulus saw this as an opportunity for himself (though it would mean not as much dueling and killing) and Gourry could care less. So taking as much money as they needed, they went off in search of the little dog. They went to a castle, which was about a league from the city, and had a great banquet.  
  
Gregory: Brothers, we should not let greed and envy get in the way of our friendship. We should share the great fortune that we get from father.  
  
Gourry: Mrrrpphhh.  
  
Translation: "Ok"  
  
Zangulus: Having doubts about your abilities, dear brother?  
  
Gregory: .  
  
Zangulus: Just kidding. See? I do have a sense of humor. . Sure, why not? I mean, we don't want to be like Saillune, right?  
  
Xellos: Awww. brotherly love! This sucks.  
  
C.G.: They agreed to meet at the castle the same appointed time and present themselves before the king together. They each took a different road but this story is about one of the son's adventures. Hardly a day passes without Gourry looking at tons of dogs, every little dog imaginable. As soon as he thought he found the prettiest dog, he would find another that was better. He traveled day to day, not knowing where he was going.  
  
Xellos: And that's surprising to you?  
  
C.G.: One nightfall, he found himself in a great gloomy forest.  
  
Gourry: Great, I'm lost and I can't see anything. How can it get any worse?  
  
C.G.: Just then, rain came pouring down. He took the first path he could find and after walking a while he saw a faint light.  
  
Gourry: Maybe there's a cottage over there!  
  
C.G.: Guided by the light, he reached the door of a splendid castle. The door was of gold covered with precious red carbuncles. The light coming from the carbuncles was the one which shown Gourry his way through the forest. Next to the door hung a rope of diamonds.  
  
Gourry: Strange that this place is not heavily guarded with all these valuables out here. One can take this chain, dig out those carnies out of the door and then be rich for life.  
  
C.G.: Gourry pulled on the chain and a silver bell sounded as the door flew open. The room was so dark, he ran into many walls.  
  
Gourry: Owww. Why is it so dark in here?  
  
C.G.: Suddenly, he feels himself getting pushed forward by something or somethings through the dark room. He slowly put his hand on his sword when he heard a voice say:  
  
"If your heart dreads not conquering love, In this place you may stay."  
  
Gourry: Huh? What was. klunk  
  
C.G.: Those somethings pushed him into a door. When the door opens, Gourry realizes that he was being pushed through the castle by cats.  
  
Xellos: They assume Gourry knows how to operate the electric can opener.  
  
C.G.: Not just regular cats, but cats that act, walk and dress like humans.  
  
Xellos: Gourry promises himself that he will never, ever do drugs again.  
  
C.G.: The cats push into a room where they helped him Gourry changed out of his wet clothes.  
  
Gourry: ::sweatdrop:: I can do this myself. Just give me. OKOKOK!!!! ::cries:: Don't hurt me!  
  
C.G.: Afterwards, they push him to a large and elegant dining room with a table with 2 golden plates and 2 golden cups.  
  
Xellos: ...and 2 sets of golden silverware, right? Wait, that doesn't sound right.  
  
Gourry: Why are there two plates?  
  
C.G.: Soon a dozen cats enter the room with instruments and start playing and singing to strange music.  
  
Gourry: I'm impressed but I don't know why.  
  
C.G.: While the music played, the doors open and a lovely little white cat with big ruby eyes enters. This young cat is wearing a jewel-infested golden crown and beautiful pink dress.  
  
Xellos: Ohhh, there's a queen cat!  
  
Gourry: Are you the one that owns this place?  
  
White Cat: I am.  
  
Gourry: ::point:: A talking cat!  
  
White Cat: Indeed I am, King's son.  
  
Gourry: You can just call me Gourry. Thank you for receiving me so kindly and letting me stay here for the night. This is a great place you got here. You are surely no ordinary cat.  
  
White Cat: Prince Gourry, I beg you to spare me the compliments, for I am not used to them. Now let the musicians be silent because supper will be served soon.  
  
Gourry: Alright! I'm starving.  
  
White Cat: You didn't eat all day?  
  
Gourry: No. but I didn't eat anything for 3 hours!  
  
White Cat: You poor thing. BRING OUT THE FOOD NOW!!!!!!!  
  
C.G.: The cat servants began to bring in the supper. As soon as it was placed on the table. you could guess.  
  
Gourry: Hey. ::munch:: what is this stuff? ::munch::  
  
White Cat: Please do not ask me, Gourry.  
  
Gourry: ::munch:: Why not? ::munch:: I just want to know. ::munch:: I don't think I had anything like this before. ::munch::  
  
White Cat If you must know, that over there is stewed pigeon, this is a fricassee of fat rats *a personal favorite of mine I may add*, the one over there is roast squirrel, and that is a side of fried mice.  
  
Xellos: Ha ha, very funny Dani. Fried mice. ::giggle::  
  
Gourry: .  
  
White Cat: I know, we did not know we were having company today or we would have made.  
  
Gourry: This is great stuff! ::munch::  
  
White Cat: You are being too kind, Gourry.  
  
Gourry: I should get the recipes and give them to mom. 3  
  
White Cat: ::sweatdrop:: I don't think she'll appreciate that.  
  
Gourry: ::munch:: By the way, I didn't catch your name, Lady Cat. ::munch::  
  
White Cat: ::sad sigh:: Please do not ask me anything for I cannot tell you. You can call me what you wish.  
  
Gourry: Oh. is there a problem?  
  
White Cat: I see you like food as much I do.  
  
Gourry: Yeah! My parents never worry about ordering too much for banquets because they know I'll eat it. And.  
  
C.G.: As they continued talking, Gourry found the queen liked a lot of subjects he did.  
  
Xellos: Food being half of them.  
  
C.G.: After dinner, they went (Gourry being pushed) into a room set up like a theater with one big chair. Gourry sits down and the queen jumps into his lap.  
  
Xellos: Pet the kitty!  
  
C.G.: He pets the kitty, ok?  
  
Xellos: Yay!  
  
C.G.: There, the cats acted and danced for their amusement.  
  
Xellos: It was a quick show because they were booked for Letterman that night.  
  
Gourry: I'm really amused but I don't know why. When mom and dad take me to these things I fall asleep.  
  
White Cat: It is late, my servants will take you to your room now. Goodnight, Gourry.  
  
Gourry: Goodnight. Uh. wait a minute. About your servants, would please tell them to.  
  
C.G.: The queen already left and the servants were standing behind him.  
  
Gourry: You don't have to wait on me, I'm fine. How about you. ::cries:: OKOKOKOKOK!!!!!  
  
C.G.: Gourry was pushed to his room for the night. The next day, he awakened to sounds coming from outside his window.  
  
Gourry: What's going on out there? It looks like all the cats are planning a party or feast or something like that. I can't wait! Hopefully, those cat servants who like to "wait on" and "direct" me everywhere are outside too. I think. ::turns and sees the servants standing right next to the bed:: I think I'll stay in bed all day. I'm too tired. Tell the queen. AHHHHHHH!!!! ::cries:: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!  
  
C.G.: Being pushed to the dining room, he finds the queen waiting for him at the table.  
  
White Cat: Hello Gourry. Did you have a good sleep?  
  
Gourry: Yeah, but the getting ready part. ::sweatdrop::  
  
White Cat: We are going to have some fun today.  
  
Gourry: A feast?  
  
White Cat: Of course. ::laughs:: I have the whole day planned out. I'll make sure you have a great time staying here. You have to see the leaves here in autumn, the colors are just beautiful.  
  
Gourry: Oh. But I can't stay that long.  
  
White Cat: Don't you like it here?  
  
Gourry: I love it here. This place is great fun. If I could I would stay forever here with you but I have to leave tomorrow to continue my mission. A mission to find a retirement present for my dad. I told my brothers I would not fail finding. the thing he wanted.  
  
White Cat: But you don't have to leaves so soon.  
  
Xellos: Whose lap will I sit in? Who will pet and stroke me? Who will operate the damned electric can opener? Where will I find another airheaded blond hunk to do all this?  
  
White Cat: You have about 5 months and that's more than enough time to find the perfect little dog.  
  
Xellos: ::cries:: Oh father! How could you shame the family like this? I cannot live like this, I will kill myself... ::dies::  
  
White Cat: I can send my servants to find the little dog for you.  
  
Gourry: No, Lady Cat. I have to do it myself.  
  
C.G.: The cat servants started blocking the doorway.  
  
Xellos: Not before getting us our catnip, you don't!  
  
C.G.: The queen signals them and they slowly leave.  
  
White Cat: ::sigh:: Very well. Let's not talk about this now and have some fun.  
  
C.G.: The queen first let Gourry join her in her very favorite all-day sport-hunting. Well. bandit hunting.  
  
BOOM  
  
Gourry: Cool.  
  
White Cat: I never get bored of doing that. ::snicker::  
  
C.G.: When they returned to the castle after they're pleasant hunting party, they supped like before. But when they finished and started chatting, she offered him some rare wine in a beautiful crystal goblet.  
  
Xellos: Cool, she slipped him a mickey!  
  
White Cat: I hope you don't leave too early tomorrow.  
  
Gourry: Huh? Go where?  
  
White Cat: You know.  
  
Gourry: ?  
  
White Cat: To find it.  
  
Gourry: To find what?  
  
White Cat: Then you'll stay?  
  
Gourry: Where would I go?  
  
White Cat: Home.  
  
Gourry: Isn't this my home?  
  
White Cat: Then I guess you're staying.  
  
Gourry: Of course, why would I leave?  
  
Xellos: You know, give him an hour and he would have forgotten by himself.  
  
C.G.: The days passed as Gourry and the white cat continued to eat, hunt bandits, eat, have fun, eat, and eat. But nearing the end of the 6 months, the queen knew he ought to go back to claim the crown so and went up to him one day.  
  
White Cat: Do you know you have only a few days to look for that little dog for your father?  
  
Gourry: .  
  
Xellos: ::cries:: Why did you remind me?  
  
Gourry: How could I forget an important thing like that?  
  
Xellos: For you, it's easy.  
  
C.G.: And he began to be very vexed.  
  
Gourry: But I have been very vexed for at least a minute. Even if I find a dog, I won't make it to my kingdom in time.  
  
White Cat: I told you not to trouble yourself. I am your friend and I can get you to your kingdom in half of a day.  
  
Gourry: Thank you, Darling. But what about the little dog? If only this place was full of dogs instead of cats.  
  
White Cat: I took care of it. ::holds up an acorn::  
  
Gourry: .  
  
White Cat: See?  
  
Gourry: It's an acorn.  
  
White Cat: Don't you hear the sound coming from inside?  
  
Xellos: Oooooo. let me do it! Let me! Let me! ::howls and growls::  
  
C.G.: Happy! It's a happy little dog, not a starving rabid wolf. And it's supposed to be quiet little barks.  
  
Xellos: Happy little barks? What's with you and happy? I like the rabid dog. Fine! Bow-bow! ::happy barks::  
  
Gourry: ::points:: The acorn barks!!!  
  
White Cat: ::sigh:: Inside the acorn. Be careful with this. Don't take it out until you present to the king. And don't eat it.  
  
C.G.: Gourry thanked her thousands of times then the queen took him into a stable where the servants were getting a wooden horse ready.  
  
Xellos: Which is one of the earlier creations by Rezo.  
  
Gourry: The days has passed so quickly here with you. I wish I could take you with me, Darling.  
  
White Cat: No, Gourry, I can't. You can come back anytime you want though.  
  
Gourry: I will.  
  
White Cat: And I hope the next time I see you, you will be wearing a crown on your head.  
  
Gourry: Why? Do you think I should wear a hat?  
  
C.G.: With that, Gourry set off. He arrives at the spot where his brothers said they would meet before they go present their gifts. His brothers stared in amazement when they saw him coming with a wooden horse.  
  
Xellos: We should stop with the pot parties.  
  
Gregory: He must have confused father's wishes and thought he wanted an unusual horse.  
  
Zangulus: What's with that. AHHH CHOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Gourry: What?  
  
Zangulus: AHHHHH CHOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Gourry: Bless you.  
  
Gregory: What's wrong with you?  
  
Zangulus: I don't know. AHHHHH CHOOOOO!!!!  
  
C.G.: At dinner, the brothers told of their adventures during the 6 months while Gourry listened.uhhhh.ate and zoned out.  
  
Gregory: So, what's your story?  
  
Gourry: I got lost in the woods.  
  
Zangulus: I win the bet! I told you he would get lost once. AHHHHHH CHOOOOOOOO!!!! Dammit!!!!  
  
Gregory: Anything else.  
  
Gourry: ::shrugs:: I dunno.  
  
Zangulus: Stop changing the subject, Gregory, and.give.me. AHHHHHH CHHHHHHHHOOOO!!!  
  
Gregory: It's that time of year for allergies. There must be tons of pollen in the air.  
  
Zangulus: Shut up and give me the money!  
  
Gregory: You were always the one with bad allergies.  
  
C.G.: Gourry decides not to tell them anything about what he really was doing because he was afraid they'd throw him in a loony bin.  
  
Xellos: Who wouldn't? "I've been staying at a castle run by magical cats who like to entertain by performing in Broadway musicals."  
  
C.G.: The next morning, they set out for the castle. Gourry watched as his brothers took a basket each out of the carriage.  
  
Zangulus: Gourry, don't you dare try to peak in here.  
  
Gourry: Why not?  
  
Zangulus: Because.not.again.  
  
Gregory: These are very rare dogs. They are so tiny and fragile even we are afraid to touch them.  
  
Gourry: Maybe that's why they're going extinct.  
  
Xellos: You can tell when buying these dogs they said "It's for mom! I swear it's for mom!" about 5 billion times.  
  
C.G.: They enter the great hall and Zangulus and Gregory carefully take the dogs out of the baskets and present them on a pillow.  
  
Gourry: thinking Maybe I should get a pillow too, I'm tired. Wait, I think Darling wanted me to do something.  
  
C.G.: The court could not decide which dog was cuter.  
  
Gregory: I dunno. Maybe we should vote on it.  
  
Xellos: You should know by now that your vote doesn't count. The Supreme Court made that perfectly clear. Democrats and Republicans are worse than us Gods and Mazoku. At least we get along sometimes.  
  
C.G.: Just then, Gourry steps are looking all excited and stuff.  
  
Gourry: Hey, guys! Isn't this cool? I opened up this acorn and look what came out of it!  
  
Xellos: ::happy barks::  
  
C.G.: On the pillow was a happy and playful little dog, so small it could easily jump through their mother's wedding ring.  
  
Xellos: Does your children always bug you about getting a dog, but you dread the all the mess, time, and expenses that come with it? This is the must-have on anyone's X-mas list! The Tiny-Pocket-Puppy!!! For only $59.99 you can have this little bundle of fun! No more buying 50 lbs. of dog food, now you can buy it by the ounce! How the hell can you tell if it peed on the rug? It won't chew up your furniture, you can keep it in a box, no more morning walks in -20 degree weather, and when the dog annoys you with non- stop yips the only thing you have to do is roll up the nearest newspaper and. WHACKWHACKWHACK. no more yipping! Amazing! In stores everywhere, just watch where you step.  
  
C.G.: Are you finished?  
  
Xellos: Yes.  
  
C.G.: Everyone was speechless.  
  
Zangulus: Where the %$#@ did you get that?  
  
Gregory: Guess you won.  
  
Gourry: Won what? This is a contest?  
  
Gregory: ::sweatdrop::  
  
C.G.: The king became very nervous and quickly thought up some B.S.  
  
King: These are all such wonderful little dogs! I am so pleased that my sons would search so hard for me.  
  
Xellos: They want the crown, stupid!  
  
King: Since you have been so successful, I will ask you to go out again.  
  
Zangulus: Dammit! I told you it was a three-task thing! It always comes in threes! Where's my money? AHHHHHHH CHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!! There I go again. What the hell happened to me over the past few days?  
  
Gregory: Are you an idiot? This gives us another chance for the crown.  
  
Zangulus: I didn't think Gourry even wants it.  
  
Gourry: What?  
  
King: I want to own the finest piece of muslin, so fine it could be drawn through the eye of a needle.  
  
Xellos: The brothers, being swordsmen, quickly looked up the word "muslin" in the dictionary. They sighed as they find out that their father was even more of a giant wussy than before.  
  
C.G.: Greg and Zangulus were not willingly to set out again, but hey, it was for the crown. Gourry, very willingly and happy as can be, sprinted out the door because he gets to spend another 6 fun-filled months with his beloved Darling. YAY!!!! With the wooden horse, he rode back at full speed. When he enters the castle, he is greeted by the cat servants. They push him into the room where their queen was asleep in her little basket. She quickly rose and was overjoyed when she saw he was back.  
  
White Cat: I'm glad you decided to come back to me, Gourry.  
  
C.G.: She jumps into his lap and purrs as he pets her.  
  
Xellos: A whole four days without being pet is torture for a cat.  
  
White Cat: Where is your crown?  
  
Gourry: Huh?  
  
White Cat: You are supposed to be wearing a crown.  
  
Gourry: Oh, dad said that now he wants a muskrat too for his retirement.  
  
White Cat: ::sweatdrop:: Muskrat?  
  
Gourry: A muskrat so fine it can drawn through a sewing needle.  
  
White Cat: Oh, muslin.  
  
Gourry: Isn't it like a weasel?  
  
White Cat: Some of my servants can spin very well, and if anyone could find a piece of the finest muslin ever made, they can. Oh, speaking of weasels. guess what we're having for dinner.  
  
Gourry: Yay! I'm starving.  
  
White Cat: Dinner is not quite done yet because we didn't know you were coming back so soon. Follow me, we shall watch some pretty fireworks until dinner is done.  
  
C.G.: So she led, the servants pushed, Gourry to the balcony which overlooked a lake where they watched a magnificent display of fireworks. After the show, they had supper, which the prince liked better than the fireworks.  
  
Xellos: Well duhhh.  
  
C.G.: The months flew by but they're was never a dull moment with the white cat.  
  
Gourry: You are so clever to come up with new things to. I never get bored. How are you so clever? Are you really a fairy?  
  
White Cat: Gourry, do not ask me. Guess what you please.  
  
Gourry: Ok.  
  
White Cat: I bet you didn't know 6 months have flown by already.  
  
Gourry: Really?  
  
White Cat: I will have a carriage for.  
  
Gourry: Can I take the horsie instead?  
  
White Cat: Sure, you can. And take this jewel-covered chest as a present to your parents.  
  
Gourry: What's in it?  
  
White Cat: shakes head When you appear before the king, he will not refuse you the crown. And the answer to your problems is in this walnut. Don't eat it.  
  
Gourry: Darling, how can I thank you for all this kindness? Only wish it and I will give up the crown and stay with you always.  
  
White Cat: Gourry, it shows goodness in your heart to care so much for a little white cat who is good for nothing but catching mice and blowing up bandit hideouts. But you must go and claim what's yours.  
  
Gourry: But, Darling.  
  
White Cat: Goodbye, Gourry. The next time I see you, I hope to see a crown on your head.  
  
Gourry: But.  
  
C.G.: The queen's servants pushed him out of the castle and into the stable where he got on the wooden horsie and went back home. He was a little bit late and decided that his brothers were already at the castle. At the castle, the brothers thought he got himself lost and wasn't coming. They were satisfied with their pieces of muslin until their father presents a needle so small it was obvious that the muslin would not go through. The princes agreed it was a trick and did the only thing they can think of.  
  
Zangulus and Gregory: MOM!!!!!!  
  
Xellos: Mom is always the answer.  
  
Queen: What are you trying to pull here? Sending my poor, sweet and innocent boys out to find the dumbest and most impossible things. We even lost that cute little doggie Gourry brought home! Do you even care that they're doing this for you? Can't you just ask for normal things like a golf clubs?  
  
C.G.: Just then, Gourry rushes through the door.  
  
Queen: ::excitedly:: It's Gourry!  
  
Gourry: Hi mom! This is for you from my friend.  
  
Queen: Isn't that nice? ::giggle::  
  
Gourry: Oh yeah.  
  
C.G.: Gourry take out the walnut and opens it and a hazelnut rolls out. He then cracks it and there lay a cheery stone.  
  
Zangulus: What's Gourry. AHHHHHH CHHHHHHHHHOOOOO!!! Not again.  
  
Queen: claps Gourry is doing a magic trick! Keep going, Gourry!  
  
C.G.: Gourry breaks the cherry stone to reveal a kernel. Gourry's mom continues to be very amused. In the kernel was a millet seed. And in that, Gourry pulls out a piece of muslin that went through the needle with no problem.  
  
Queen: claps Isn't little Gourry cute? We have a little magician is the family. ::giggle:: Aren't you glad to have such wonderful boys?  
  
King: ::sweatdrop:: Yeah.I guess.  
  
WHACK  
  
King: I mean. Nothing could console me more than to have boys like you. Then go once more.  
  
Queen: fangs What did you say?  
  
King: .and find a princess and bring her here. My successor must be married.  
  
Queen: Ooooo. ::giggle:: I love weddings! 3  
  
Gregory: Uh. what kind of contest is this?  
  
Queen: He has a point, Gregory. I wouldn't trust a king without an level- headed and intelligent wife to keep him from doing something completely stupid. well in this kingdom anyway.  
  
King: Isn't that a bit harsh, sweetie?  
  
Zangulus: I'm not stupid! Sure, sometimes I think with my manhood but.  
  
Gregory: But mom.  
  
Queen: You should have no problem, Greggy. It's Zangy that I'm worried about.  
  
Zangulus: What is that supposed to mean? I. AHHHHHH CHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
C.G.: Of course Gourry was already out the door. Guess where he was going?  
  
Xellos: Canada?  
  
C.G.: . The white cat was expecting him this time.  
  
White Cat: I still don't see a crown, Gourry.  
  
Gourry: They want us to get married but I don't want to marry. I want to live here for the rest of my life.  
  
White Cat: But I am really disappointed.  
  
Gourry: Don't be, I don't care. I like it here better.  
  
White Cat: You should have been wearing a crown a long time ago.  
  
Gourry: I get the feeling dad doesn't want to give it up.  
  
White Cat: You thought of that all by yourself?  
  
Gourry: Yep.  
  
White Cat: Then I guess we have lots of time to have fun. Dinner is on the table.  
  
Gourry: Yay!  
  
C.G.: The days went pretty much like before.  
  
Gourry: I said I'm staying here. I don't want the crown, I'm happy here with you. I don't need it.  
  
White Cat: But being promised something and not getting it always angers me, especially for something big such as this. This time I'll make sure you get a crown.  
  
Gourry: No really.  
  
White Cat: Promise me something: tomorrow you'll do exactly what I tell you.  
  
Gourry: Huh?  
  
White Cat: You must listen to every word.  
  
Gourry: I promise but.  
  
White Cat: You'll find out tomorrow.  
  
C.G.: The next day, the servants push Gourry into a little room where the queen sits. They lock the door on they're way out.  
  
Xellos: If Barry White music starts playing, Gourry is in trouble.  
  
White Cat: Gourry, come over here. Know you are a great swordsman and I would like for you to take out your sword and show it to me.  
  
C.G.: Say one thing Xellos, and my foot goes up your ass.  
  
Xellos: How about if I say "Damn! I spent all that money on a ton of Cool Mint Listerine for nothing!" or something like that? Is that ok?  
  
White Cat: Now take your sword and cut off my head.  
  
Xellos: Finally! I knew if I wanted you would write something cool like this.  
  
Gourry: WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING????  
  
White Cat: Just do it.  
  
Gourry: ::cries:: But how can I do it?  
  
Xellos: ::cries:: Do you want PETA to come after me?  
  
White Cat: You promised: do it.  
  
Xellos: Does he do it?  
  
C.G.: Nothing he said could talk her out of it, so after a while.  
  
Xellos: No, now!!!!  
  
C.G.: .he gives up. And with a trembling hand, he cuts off her head.  
  
Xellos: He scores! touchdown  
  
C.G.: Suddenly, smoke fills the room.  
  
Xellos: Can you slow down a little? Maybe just insert a little angst here? You know, crying and depression.  
  
C.G.: No. Do you know how long this thing is? I'm trying to finish this. And when the smoke clears, he finds a princess standing before him.  
  
Xellos: It doesn't take a genius to figure out who it is.  
  
Lina: I see that you are speechless by the beautiful, powerful and legendary Princess Lina.  
  
Gourry: No, I always knew you weren't a real cat. I just didn't think I would have to cut off a little cat's head.  
  
Lina: ::sweatdrop:: I know that seems sort of weird.  
  
Xellos: Hmmm. I guess it's ok for a girl to kiss frogs and beasts but god forbid a guy ruin his manhood. Everything has to be so macho in these things. ::rolls eyes::  
  
Lina: I suppose you want me to tell you how this happened?  
  
Gourry: Not really.  
  
Lina: I'm telling you anyway! You see, my family rules over six kingdoms. My mother has a passion for horseback riding. During one of her outings, she takes the wrong path and gets lost in the forest.  
  
Xellos: Déjà vu.  
  
Lina: She accidentally stumbled into a forbidden fairy village during a very sacred fairy ritual.  
  
flashback  
  
Elder Fairy: How dare you come here on this day!  
  
Lina's mom: ::sweatdrop:: Geez, what a day to get lost. Listen, I'm sorry but I got to get home. I have two little girls.  
  
Elder: How old are they?  
  
LM: One's only a month old and the other.  
  
Elder: We will let you go only if you give us your baby girl.  
  
LM: .  
  
Elder: You see, our king cannot have children because of a terrible incident that happened while he was out doing something manly. We need to keep peace with the elves that live close by. We need your little girl so she can marry their prince. We cannot allow ourselves to become enemies with the elves.  
  
LM: very nasty answer  
  
Elder: Listen, you have committed a crime punishable by death. If you don't give up the kid, we will kill you and start a war with your kingdom.  
  
Xellos: Are all elders assholes?  
  
Elder: She will always be happy. We will treat your daughter like royalty and we will give her everything that is worth having in Fairyland.  
  
Xellos: ::giggle:: That's sounds like a theme park. Can't they come up with real names for their villages?  
  
LM: really nasty way of saying "you win"  
  
Elder: For your cooperation, we will give you our rarest of fruits that people would die just to taste them.  
  
Xellos: Gee, you're going to take my little baby and you think rare fruit is going to make it all better? Thanks a lot.  
  
end flashback  
  
Lina: And so, the fairies sent about 400 baskets of their fruit to our main castle and took me.  
  
Gourry: That's a whole lot of fruit.  
  
Lina: They kept me in my very own tower. Even though I was surrounded by everything beautiful and rare, I was very bored. There was no one to talk to so I broke into the library and started reading some books to keep me busy.  
  
Gourry: What kind of books?  
  
Lina: Magic books. Then one day they tell me that I had to marry this elf prince I can't even stand. So when the asshole came over, I blasted him. The fairies were really mad, blah, blah, blah, then they turned me into a cat and sent me here, where everyone was turned into a cat. The only chance of becoming human again. you know.  
  
Gourry: ?  
  
Lina: Knock it off.  
  
Gourry: Do your parents visit?  
  
Lina: Sometimes. They're glad I blasted him.  
  
Gourry: Will you marry me?  
  
Lina: ::blush:: Where did that come from? Yes, Gourry. I love you better than anyone in the world.  
  
Xellos: Why the hell did you think I let you pet me?  
  
Lina: But we should save the mushy stuff for later. Now I got to straighten out your dad.  
  
Gourry: I told you I don't care, we can live right here. I love it here. 3  
  
Lina: I know you do but I promised you a crown and that's what you're getting.  
  
Gourry: Can we take the horsie?  
  
Lina: Maybe next time. We shall have a huge feast tonight!  
  
Gourry: YAY!  
  
C.G.: Gourry gave her his hand to led her out but forgot the ex-cat servants still need to do their job.  
  
Gourry: When did you people enter? ::grumbles:: I knew it! Girls!  
  
C.G.: Gourry met up with brothers and they traveled to the castle in separate carriages. When they arrived at the castle, the princesses were immediately placed in curtained chairs that were carried by guards so no one would see them before the courtiers.  
  
Zangulus: See? I told you I would find someone.  
  
Gourry: Where's your hat?  
  
Gregory: Yeah, where is it?  
  
Zangulus: You still owe me! Stop changing the. AHHHHHHHHHHH CHHHHHHHHHHHHOOO!!!!!  
  
Gregory: You didn't have that kind of sneeze attack for 6 months.  
  
Zangulus: I had to take off the hat so she wouldn't wear that revealing outfit. No.  
  
C.G.: The king sat on his thrown, waiting quietly. His wife isn't going to let him screw them over again. It was silent until they heard a small blast somewhere in the castle.  
  
King: What was that?  
  
Queen: It must be from the kitchen. It's ok. Relax. You'll love them. I can't wait. I hope I get tons of grandkids.  
  
King: Yea.  
  
C.G.: The courtiers enter, slightly burnt.  
  
King: So?  
  
WHACK  
  
Queen: I can't wait to meet them. ::giggle::  
  
King: I heard Zangulus is going to be king of Zoana.  
  
Courtiers: Yes. He king has no heirs so he will be their king next.  
  
King: Very good.  
  
WHACK  
  
Queen: I bet they're lovely.  
  
Courtiers: ::sweatdrop:: Yes. They're all lovely, beautiful, smart. This kingdom will prosper with these princesses. Gregory's is real sweet and pretty. OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T LET GOURRY'S HURT US!!! We mean. she's great!!!! Really, REALLY great!!! Wonderful!!!!!! We're impressed. We got to go now.  
  
King: ::sweatdrop::  
  
Queen: ::squeal:: Did you hear that, honey?  
  
King: I'm thrilled. ::rolls eyes::  
  
Queen: whips out her sword If you ruin this big day for everybody, you will get hurt.  
  
King: Happy! I'm happy! starts dancing  
  
Queen: I love it when you dance. 3  
  
C.G.: The princesses enter and head towards the thrown.  
  
Queen: Are they pretty? ::giggle:: Aren't they? ::glares::  
  
King: Yes, dear!  
  
Queen: Look! That cute little red-head is coming up here to introduce herself personally!  
  
King: ::sweatdrop::  
  
Lina: grabs his collar Listen to me, dad.  
  
Queen: ::giggle:: Oooo. I bet that's Gourry's girlfriend!  
  
Lina: I am sick and tired of your little games. If you make a promise, you should keep it.  
  
King: ::SWEATDROP:: But.but.  
  
Lina: BUT NOTHING!!!! Knock it off. I know you don't want to give up your thrown.  
  
Queen: You don't? Then why did start this contest? It seems pretty stupid to me.  
  
Lina: I'm not here to deprive you of your thrown, I have 6 kingdoms so I'll be glad to let you keep your crown and let your other son rule one of the other kingdoms. It's hard for my family to keep up with them all.  
  
Queen: Isn't that nice, sweetie?  
  
King: Is that all?  
  
Lina: Yea, I just wanted to scare you. ::giggle::  
  
Queen: Tee hee.  
  
C.G.: So they had a wonderful triple wedding and lived happily ever after even though the king was forever scared to death by his daughter-in-law.  
  
Xellos: Damn, that was long. I would never think that of a fairy tale called The White Cat. ::sweatdrop:: 


End file.
